The WalMart Projectile Poopin' Pie

So the holidays are upon us. Bing Crosby is showing up on our favorite radio stations, Turkeys and Hams are being purchased for family feasts. What better way to get your least favorite relative back for the $5 gift certificate to Linens and Things last year then bring a pecan pie to the family gathering. You might say "Boy, that would be nice of you" but little do you know what type of pecan pie I speak of. Walmart, every year puts out holiday pies, some just regular... others are sugar free. If you happen to stop in Walmart take a look at the ingredients in one of their "Sugar Free Pecan Pies". The main ingredient, first thing on the list, is a little thing called "Sorbitol". Sorbitol has been used in several products as a replacement for sugar, in small amounts. The reason for these small amounts is mostly due to the fact that Sorbitol is actually a powerful laxative when enough is ingested. So warm up a piece, and in the holiday spirit serve it to your target, then sit back an hour and wait. The result will be sure to please.

How do I know about this you ask? I was targeted last holiday by a fellow co-worker. Folks... The toilet was my friend that day.

The section below was taken from an article from Foodintol.com

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How Sorbitol Causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome

If you suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome and enjoy sugar-free products, it may be worthwhile to review your eating habits.

Did you know the common additive sorbitol causes bloating, flatulence and diarrhea? It only takes 10g per day. Ironically sugar-free products are marketed as being part of a healthy lifestyle.

Despite more than two decades of clinical research on the detrimental effects of sugar substitutes on the human body, sugar-free products are sold as solutions for everything from weight loss to tooth whitening....

... with chewing gum there is even greater danger of sorbitol overdose. The manufacturer of a gum marketed as a teeth whitener (6) encourages consumers to use it many times in a day, presumably to glean as much of the tooth brightening property as possible. Ironically this is claimed by the manufacturer to be a healthy lifestyle activity, if you enjoy diarrhea that is.

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From this we gather that there is enough Sorbitol in many different brands of sugar free/whitening chewing gums... Being that this pecan pie I speak of is LOADED with the stuff. The prank is guaranteed to last well into the night.